Archive for November, 2009

Too Much Coffee Makes Head Spin

November 20, 2009


I drank too much coffee and now I feel like the Incredible Hulk on speed. I’ve already had one near mental breakdown this morning, and I figure only a valium could help now. Gotta get on a plane to LA in a couple of hours, and I already have a problem with fidgeting. I’m going to lose my mind, help!

Ok, gotta get it together. Quick, put on some music! No, not that song… or that one either. Must type faster. Oh – stupid computer, you’re not typing fast enough! Damn! Oh, god, I feel good, oh shit, I almost crapped my pants. This is insane. Someone should make coffee illegal, or at least you need a license to drink it. My mouth is dry, and it tastes like coffee… mmm. My head is big like a balloon and I can hardly focus my eyes. My neck hurts, gotta stretch – aaah! I almost fainted! My heart is beating too fast, and my lungs feel like they’re going to cave in. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken that Vicodin last night. Jesus. When will it stop?

Basically, I don’t have anything to say, except that coffee is ruining my life, and I love it! Nothing like getting paid to have a panic attack. I also noticed that even though I have all this energy and am completely wired, I can’t seem to get anything done and I’m making a lot of mistakes. This is gonna be interesting…

New Album, New World

November 12, 2009

Interstellar Lounge Music

The last few months have been dizzying. After surviving the not-so-cool breakup of Strangefeather in August (the day before our tour, might I add), I set out to reinvent my solo thing which I had kind of left on the backburner to tour with a rock band, which has always been a dream of mine. Luckily, I already had a solo record finished since March ’09 called Interstellar Lounge Music (it’s about the Summer of Two-Thousand and Great!), and so I am just now getting around to putting it out on a limited-run basis, and it will eventually be available for download, too. I’ve decided to create a few handmade copies of the CD and give them out at my upcoming record release party (Nov. 29th @ Make-Out Room) – so come and get yours! Charlie Note is still in the band, and I’m happy to announce that Brian Michael, from San Jose band Careless Hearts will be playing bass for this show.

The breakup of a band is always hard, especially when the people in it are your friends that you have spent years working, sleeping, travelling, and partying with. The worst part for me has been explaining to all the fans of our music that we are no longer playing shows. But the good news is that I have grown and learned so much from my experiences that I am now ready to go out there and apply all that energy to my own music. A brief Pacific Northwest tour has been planned, and I’ll be visiting Portland, Seattle and Roslyn around December 9-15th. I will be playing some shows with Power of County (Portland) and Rives, the band’s guitarist, will accompany me on the tour. I’ll post more details as they become available.

I’m very excited about the new direction my music is taking. In 2009 I have played 90 gigs (so far), will have done 3 tours, and released an album, all while keeping my job and some sanity to boot. I’ve got tons of great material in the works, and am recording four songs with Jenni Alpert and Eric Boulanger in LA. I hope to have another album ready this time next year and tour the southern states of the US in March (I’ve already got a SXSW date lined up, too). A lot of changes always bring new beginnings, and it’s all a part of the growth process. I’m not giving up on playing music any time soon, so look out for me somewhere on down the line.

Success in Creating the Most Unpopular Blog of All Time

November 11, 2009

It wasn't easy, but I've finally done it!

In an effort to completely alienate my audience and leave them confused and frustrated, I have achieved the impossible title of, “World’s Most Unpopular Blog”. While most bloggers are trying to get people to read their thoughtful ideas and gasp with amazement at how incredibly cool their ability to find strange and interesting things on the internet is, I have been writing long and winding incomplete sentences without proofreading for errors. I’ve been purposely misspelling important words for the sake of frustration. My subject matter has been dull and uninteresting, and I’ve gone on ad naseum about topics that have already been better covered by more capable and professional internet writers. I have purposely chosen subject matter that is offensive and insensitive to just about every type of person you can imagine, while maintaining a droll monotone of unexciting prose. This methodology has been applied to all things that I hate or dislike, and without any variation from this routine, I have simply bitched and complained a lot without offering any better ideas or compelling critiques.

It’s been a hard road, but I am glad I finally made it. Being at the top of the pile of the worst blogs in the world is an achievement I never thought I would accomplish, mostly because I don’t have any confidence in myself at all. But by avoiding hard work and critical thinking despite all odds, this moment has finally arrived. Of course, no one will ever read this because I have less than two visitors to my blog in the past four months, and both of those were me. This is a personal accomplishment, and now I can go on to do other great things with my spare time, like sharpening my fish hook collection and shooting rats at the dump. With the extra void that this blog has filled in my life, so shall I find another outlet for my less-than-average creative energy. Way to go, me!

Hipster Poses as Real Musician, Gets Ass Kicked

November 5, 2009
William Chestnut, just prior to his beating

William Chestnut, just prior to his beating

Late last Friday night, 24-year-old Mission resident William Chestnut (nicknamed “Chesternut” by so-called friends), was savagely beaten outside the Knockout Room at Mission and 29th Streets by an unknown group of men for attempting to pose as a musician and actually being a hipster. He is in critical condition at  UCSF, after being initially taken to SF General because paramedics assumed the unconscious victim was homeless. He was later identified as the son of an affluent lawyer and doctor from Menlo Park. Chestnut suffered severe injuries to his whiny jaw, beady eyes, and scrawny legs, but surprisingly, several well-placed kicks to the groin area caused very little damage. He is expected to be released in the next couple of days.

According to police, Chestnut moved to the Mission after enrolling in , and quickly dropping out of, the Academy of Art. His parents, unaware of his decision to leave the school, said that he used the tuition money in addition to his allowance and some of his hefty trust fund, to purchase vintage 80’s electronic musical equipment and cocaine in an attempt to jump-start his musical career. He was actually successful in getting a band of similarly greasy, precocious hipsters assembled together by throwing nightly parties at his apartment on 18th and Valencia St, under the guise of “auditions”.

“We knew he couldn’t play music, but he had all this free coke, and all my friends said he was like, not a rapist, and stuff,” said apathetic hanger-on Sarah Plumb, who witnessed the beating that occured shortly after Chestnut’s band, known as “Turd Muffin” was booed off stage and dragged into the streets.

“We aren’t sure exactly why he chose to try and be a musician, but it apparently angered some of the audience members who had come to rock out to some real music that night, and weren’t going to stand for any of his bullshit”, stated Police Officer Kevin Danno. He was the first on the scene to break up the fight.

According to ex-bandmate Chad Bigglesworth, “Turd Muffin was supposed to be a real band. We had fanny packs and headbands and everything, and we even figured out how to use the presets on our Casio keyboards and scrape kitchenware across a giant blackboard. We were very avante-garde and ahead of our time. Our time being the 80’s, that is. I can’t believe they took Chesternut down. Whose place are we going to party at now?”

The people responsible for the beating have not been arrested, although Officer Danno did pursue them looking for their autographs. The other bandmembers were spared any injuries after selfishly ratting out Chestnut as the primary leader responsible for the awful racket. He burst into tears as the crowd dragged him out into the streets to receive his punishment as the bar’s staff cheered them on.

According to the club’s bouncer Doug Blunt, “People were definitely not impressed with the awful screeching and cheesy synths. It was pretty obvious that these assholes had never even taken a music lesson before. The lead singer was the most offensive because he was wearing a neon pink loin cloth and velvet cape and was rubbing the microphone all over his pasty body. No wonder he got his ass beat”.

Police are not investigating the crime any further, and it is likely that all criminal charges will be dropped against the attackers even if they are caught, since the act was clearly committed in self-defense for the public’s sanity. When asked if he would press charges, Chestnut moaned, “I don’t care, I’m going to sue the pants off all you people – I am the next Boy George!”